"real creative urges, those we are meant to express, [which] don’t go away. If ignored, they bother us, affect our health, fester and eventually turn us into the living dead."Is this true? Do we all get these urges? I didn't think so. I know very few people that have these undeniable passions. I've always tended to think that this pervasive, and not-necessarily-so-helpful sentiment -- that most people have a passion that they just need to follow to be happy -- that has always bothered me and made me feel like I'm missing something, like I'm incomplete and inferior.
But now I am a month deep into this farming thing and I love it. I love being outside and being so, so tired at the end of the day; I love the smell of soil, and the way the knees of my jeans get caked in dirt. Plus, it excites me to think of eventually handling the business side of things, handling my own operation, searching out a market, getting into value-added food production, making business decisions, constantly improving and innovating...
I've had some rough days here on the island. I haven't found too many kindred spirits; there's a closed-mindedness about certain things and a religious zealotry to the love-of-small-towns and cerain ways of life that makes me feel uncomfortable and unwilling to open up to people, but that said, farming itself -- the work -- is probably the closest I've been to this "real creative urge."
But am I a fickle lover? How long will my passion last? Summer will be hot. I will sweat and get weird tans and 40 hours a week of work when the sun is shining and the swimming holes beckon is going to be tough.
For now, though, I am going to quash my pessimistic tendencies and see if these seeds I'm planting germinate into something good.