Got back to Orange County and have been feeling dazed. I have a bunch of random projects that I'm working on: applying to graduate school, taking an econometrics class, planting a garden, working for my dad's startup, hanging out with the fam, reading articles, writing articles, cooking, trying to start this new blog, trying to exercise, looking into farms for next season.
But going in all these different directions, I'm not sure I'm getting anywhere at all.
My general mood these days is like this Andreas Gursky photo. Bad, huh?
Last night, I went to listen to this farmer at the Fullerton Public Library. He talked about a lot of things that made me happy like picking ripe peaches and treasuring family and driving down roads that blow up so much dust that you have to turn your windshield wipers on. He talked about the number of frost hours that peaches require, and he talked about
continuity: the idea of being connected to a place in a deep way,
in turn nurturing and being nurtured. He was talking specifically about his family's farm in Fresno, but I kept thinking about much I feel out of context and how much I want to put down roots, make a home, invest in land, invest in community.
I heard a great show on the Canadian Broadcasting Network by a neuroscientist who studied the development of children's brains. She talked about how infants are taking in new input 100% of the time -- they are in constant learning mode -- open to new ideas, testing out theories, but not particularly good at focusing on a task. Not very good at letting go of some things to attend to one thing in particular.
I remember specifically that she said it could take up until a persons mid-to-late 20s for their brains to fully develop the capacity to focus in. I'm 24. Perhaps there's time (?)
All this moving around and jumping from this to that has given me an amazing breadth of experience to draw from, but now I'm ready to build something.